Saturday, July 9, 2011

Left Behind Bones and Expected Adventures

The thank you notes are finished.

Some of the notes are hand-written, personal with a name. Some are typed "form letters" filled with heart-deep sincerity and gratitude. One person said not to worry about writing notes at all because people would understand and if they didn't, oh well. I confess that thought crossed my mind, but I am hoping, even the typed twenty-copy note will let people know their kindness had an impact. I hope it encourages them to love someone else as generously as they loved us. I hope it fortifies them against the enemy's words that whisper their efforts don't matter....because they did...and they do...

So, I typed some notes. Hand wrote others.

I cried. Not as hard as I was afraid I would, but still, I cried.

Yes, some of the tears were because Rob is gone. Some tears, though, were because of new goodbyes and fresh letting go.

Notes from friends we enjoyed twenty years ago that we have not seen in the last ten, words of "Let's get together sometime." I answer, "Yes, let's. That would be nice." It probably would be, but I know. We won't. And it isn't them, and it isn't me. It's just...time...

Time to let go...

It's like in my mind I see myself setting these rafts of "stuff" loose on the tide, watching them float away.  It is easy to cling to them because to let them go could leave me with nothing...except I don't believe God leaves anyone with nothing...at least not anyone who chooses to let go of things that no longer give life and embrace things that do. One may keep a pile of dead bones in a treasury, go in and talk to them every day, remember the life that was, but they are still dead bones. Taking them out of the treasury and making room for something new does not make them more dead...it only makes me open to more life.

And today I sealed envolopes and mailed them away just like tombs sealed and left behind, and I cried...

...and I smiled...

...and I wondered what new life...new people...new adventures...

the Lord has for me next.

3 comments:

mizzbrizz said...

I love the last part, Jerri...the open wonderment of God's next chapter that will be revealed to you...little by little as your heart and mind are ready to receive it. What a perfect way to think before I head off to church here shortly to hear the message in Acts 5.

My daily walk in His grace! said...

Hi Jerri. Love the last bit. What has God got in store for you? Glad you are excited about the future. Hope you have an awesome week.
God bless
Tracy

Jerri Kelley said...

Heather, VERY GOOD POINT. "As your heart and mind are ready to receive it." We have to choose to receive it. We have to choose to face the pain to get to the healing. It is so much easier to be a victim and whine. I don't want my children to learn that garbage mentality, and the best way to teach them to be conquerors and overcomers is to live it out in front of them. The cool thing is, that is EXACTLY what I know God wants to give me.

Tracy, I've been excited about the future for a long time. It's just hard to be constantly excited about the ocean when you are climbing the sand dunes with no water in sight, only a promise there is an ocean out there somewhere. Discouragement comes. The key is not to never get discouraged or tired. The key is to not dwell there. :-) Bless you!